Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
