It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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