I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
