upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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