he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize