I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
