Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You took a bar mat shot.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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