I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
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he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.