i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?