I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...