went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.