Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
