I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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