KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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