Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
