I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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