I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
