Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
