I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
