i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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