You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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