Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
