I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
