Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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