I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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