I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am naked and annoyed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
