in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Drunk is not a location!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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