I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
