$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
