ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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