Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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