Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
