is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
now i know why i became what i already was.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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