I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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