so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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