Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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