You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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