Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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