i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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