3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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