True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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