Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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