I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
