If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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