I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
