On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
