1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
