im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
