I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
