the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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