This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
