I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
