omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
