He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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