So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
