I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
