Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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