omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How does one acquire holy water?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
