what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
