just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
