you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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