Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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