That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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