I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
