so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
