strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
